I never understood why people feared cemeteries. If you thought about it, all the occupants are dead and we all know that dead people can’t do anything to harm…or can they? In 1968 a movie called Night of the living dead came out and it featured zombies. Since then there have been numerous movies, TV shows and print publication that have based the plot of their stories on zombies. For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, zombies are dead people that are brought back to life using black magic/witchcraft/kala jadoo, whose main purpose in life is to eat the brains and flesh of the living. The only way of destroying them is to destroy their heads.
Zombie Apocalypse is the global rise of zombies hostile to human life and engage in a general assault on civilization spreading the “zombie plague/virus” leading to an exponential rise in the number of zombies causing the collapse of civilian society until only isolated pockets of survivors remain, scavenging for food and supplies in a world reduced to a pre-industrial hostile wilderness. I, amongst many other of my friends, am fascinated not so much with zombies but with the apocalypse.
Tomorrow comes and you pick up a newspaper and somewhere buried in there is a story about a strange outbreak of a flu virus in another part of the country. The following day chaos begins to spread as word gets around that Amitabh Bachchan is planning on retiring but no one really cares about the flu virus. The next morning you wake up to absolute pandemonium as it appears civil society is about to collapse. You go to the store around the corner and the guy behind the counter gives you a paper and tells you to choose wisely. You look down and see the following chart. The only thing you know is the zombies are knocking down the gates and will be invading the city in two to three hours.
My choices are:
1. C – the AR-15 semiautomatic machine gun: As you can see it has a scope for long distance shots and reconnaissance. It also has a built in grenade launcher that will eliminate large groups of zombies in one shot. This weapon is ideal for mid- to long-range targets but can be useful for short range purposes if need be.
2. C – handgun with a built in silencer: This weapon is ideal for short range targets. The silencer gives you the added bonus of eliminating a target in dead silence without drawing attention to your location.
3. D – the machete: For hand to hand combat this is the ideal weapon for you as it allows you to slice through the zombies. This would come in very handy for other day to day activities like cutting wood and checking your email.
4. D – the swiss army knife: This multi-purpose tool is the ultimate survival tool whose functions include updating your facebook status and opening a can of pasta sauce.
5. A – the SUV: This was the hardest choice of them all. Each mode of transportation had its merits, however the SUV offered the perfect blend of protection, speed, fuel consumption, practicality and has a built in iPod dock so you can listen to Pankaj Udhas whenever you want!
Ladies and gentlemen choose well: once the apocalypse starts its every man, woman, child and columnist for themselves. Happy Hunting!