NO PANTS RUSSIAN ROULETTE!

But… seriously

Ajay Hotchandani

 I’ve been often asked, “How do you come up with this?” – of course, they are referring to the odd comical thoughts that I sometime put on paper. The standard response is, “ohhh I don’t know, it just happens.” This is true, I have no idea when or where I developed the ability to look at something and view it in a different manner, often times trying to see the humour in it. Its borderline disturbing when you find yourself in the middle of an autopsy and a funny idea comes to mind. Believe me, there isn’t much that can lighten the mood in an autopsy, but I somehow managed to do it without even realizing I did.

As some of you are aware there is an app for smartphones called “Whatsapp”. It’s the basic instant messaging service that allows individual and group chat, and it allows you to send audio-visual files. Our family currently has a group on in it and on a daily basis we would send about 50 messages. My sister often sends us pictures of her son (the one I wrote about, the pineapple one). Honestly, he is the only cute one that we don’t get tired of seeing pictures of everyday.

So recently she sent one of her husband and son (see enclosed picture). My mom then fires back a message asking what happened to his pants (the baby not the husband). To which my oddly functioning brain replied that they are playing a game. On the spot I manage to create a new game. And you, the loyal readers of Postnoon; the beautiful people of Hyderabad; the people with the best hair in the world will be the first to read and test out my new game. The game is called NO PANTS RUSSIAN ROULETTE!

For those of you who are not familiar with the game Russian Roulette, basically it’s an insane game that I don’t recommend anyone try, not even Russians. The game consists of placing one bullet in a revolver, spinning the chamber and then pulling the trigger while it’s aimed at your head. If you are lucky, there will be no bullet when you pull the trigger. It’s very similar to what Gabbar Singh did in Sholay, minus the awesomely wicked laugh he has.

The first thing you will need is a baby who still uses diapers. No, you are not allowed to use an adult in diapers. Next, make sure the baby has not peed in the past hour or two. Then you gather everyone around who wants to play. Everyone who is in must put $10US/$550INR in the pot. Then you time it, everyone has to carry the baby for 2 minutes while they aren’t wearing any pants or diapers (again, the baby isn’t wearing pants not you).

You can carry the baby on your back, in your arms, in the cradling position, however you see fit as long as it’s safe and you are in the path if the kid passes pee pee. If you are the lucky/unlucky one to be holding kid at the time you win the money in the pot, but only if you don’t move the kid away. If you move the kid away so you don’t get wet then you lose and are forced to have your eyebrows shaven off.

Now there is a Bonus! If the baby happens to pee and poop on you, everyone has to pay you an extra $10US/$550INR.For the record, I would have won already, as once I delivered a baby who came out and pissed on me. He didn’t even wait for me to cut the cord, which I think is like a SUPER SUPER BONUS AWARD for that one.

Tags: But... Seriously, featured, full-image

Category: Opinion