Here’s the horoscope for the other folks. (It’s a joke people, don’t take it personally.)
If you are looking for some professional advice, it would help to stop looking in comic books or Stardust magazine. You appreciate others who are rich and may surround yourself with them so they can pay for your bar tab. Do not work as a suicide counsellor as you have a horrible sense of how to work with and guide others in making decisions. You become more insightful and philosophical the drunker you get; however, no one can understand you. Try a new fish recipe this evening. A former lover may come back into your life through some strange quirk of fate or to ask for their ipod back.
There are many rewarding days coming around the corner, but none for you, as someone else will reap the rewards of your hard work, probably someone from Vietnam. You are not very practical when it comes to dealing with others, especially co-workers, and that is why they screwed you over. You feel cheated when the object of your desire doesn’t know you exist, but then again your parents forgot you at the grocery stores several times. A struggle with one of your internal organs will lead you down a path of self-destruction and the alleys of a clinic run by a doctor named Chucho.
You’re feeling more inclined to give someone close another chance after they made a big mistake, just like your father gave your mother another chance after the birth control failed and you were born. You often daydream about being a lesbian crime fighter. Karma will repay you for being an idiot, I could tell you how, but you’re an idiot and won’t get it! Remind yourself that all dreams can come true so it would be in your best interest to stop having dreams about you, SpongeBob and bottle of oil. Please pay better attention to your hygiene.
Neither creative nor smart, you won’t amount to much in life. When it comes to matters of the heart, your only criterion should be them agreeing to marry you. There isn’t a future of travel for you as you are lazy and getting up and going to the kitchen is about the only place you are willing to go. You are a very indecisive person and should be the last person to be allowed to order when at a restaurant. While you normally like to have all of your romantic relationships be extremely nurturing and comforting, you may find that this is not always possible to achieve over the Internet.
Time is running out and you are not getting any younger. The things you have been putting off for many years have finally caught up with you. When making decisions regarding matters of the heart, it is best to consult a cardiologist because your friend who is a doctor is an idiot! Your mischievous nature will result in either you getting arrested or pregnant. Finances are not your strong point; you pay too much for your mobile phone plan.
You should not be trusted with phone numbers. Your obsession with your underwear can cost you dearly. Try not to get too caught up in your hobbies; your parents don’t need to explain to your relatives why you got arrested again! Travel plans include trips to exotic destinations where you are very likely to get bitten by a stray animal. Very suspicious by nature, you often believe the cleaning lady steals from your room.